The Crew Page 2

Meet The Crew!

*All video projects produced by Qua LLC. Qua LLC in no way endorses or is responsible for actions of crew members. Any pending litigation or criminal complaints must be submitted directly to the individual parties being charged.

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Raulio Shapiro

Offshore Finance Lawyer

(phone message)

“I’m sick of you god-forsaken fuck ups camping in my office, never paying your bill, getting me hawkeyed by the Justice Department, and touching my secretary’s ass.
Call me again and I’m gonna send a couple goons over to burn your god-damn shantytown down for good!”

JOHN BOY BOSCO

JU CRUCIFER

aka: The Shaman Of Blight
—–rogue preacher—–
JU is well known for having led the 2005 “Night Of The Leaping Shadows” rebellion in Black River Falls, Wisconsin. Although technically still in hiding, he has been sighted frequently in the city of Milwaukee, and has amassed a rather sizable following. A number of our acquaintances are to be counted amongst his devoted… and indeed, JU is considered the spiritual soul of the Broken Noses crew.

Sweet Lou Studebaker
soundtrack specialist

“You can tell when you go to see a man to borrow money if ya should… when you check inside his fridge. If he got them Clausen pickles, them name brand pickles, then you can borrow money off that man… 50 dollar, hundo, whatever.
But if he got grocery store brand, or brand you never heard of pickles… you best leave him alone.”

Claus & Blanco

VENDEMIERE

Stock Swindlers

This brother combo is known throughout the St Tropez region of France as the premier “pump and dump” operators around. Utilizing Claus’s investment firm alongside Blanko’s aggressive brokerage house, they are able to inflate the value of worthless dummy corporations before cutting the stock off at the knees and reaping a windfall from defrauded investors.

Because the US SEC has filed over 800 criminal charges against the brothers in absentia, they are forbidden from US soil and hence have taken to hiring us to do their stateside errands.
In exchange, they supply us with a generous amount of German camera equipment, junk bonds, white slaves, and conflict diamonds.


THE UNPREDICTABLE

ZED BAYLOR

Not really part of the Broken Noses Posse… this freeloadin’ son of a bitch won’t get the hell off my property!

MYTHARA TAMERLANE

black widow murderess

This heartless bitch recently killed a business man that we were just about to kill for reasons I can’t really go into. She does this to at least 3 guys a year, fleecing them blind and cashing a multitude of insurance policies.

BEEF STRYDER

Accountant/Actor

“Graduated from Cardean University with a major in finance, class of 2001. Acquitted in double homicide of oil heiresses Tabitha and Cynthia Davies in 2003.

I’m trying to get more upscale clientele, as right now I primarily cook the books for a few local massage parlors that have allot of hand job cash to hide. Other services available for hire include prize-fighter management, jury fixing, and pension fraud.”

Beast Rider

Avowed enemy of Beef Stryder.

HIGGINS, T.


#437762-18c

Found this hilarious guy in the basement of a warehouse we’re squatting in. Every once in a while we put some food and water down there. He seems to be enjoying himself.


CHET
CROWBOUND

-location scout

Vinegar Maldoon

“My wife divorced me back in ’99 for ‘…foulness and general knavity…’
whatever the fuck that means. Since then I’ve been kinda havin’ a hard
time of it. Now all I do is eat bananna peels and have sex with
McDonalds wrappers.”

MANNACLE HAMMERSTONE

fantasist/
story spinner

Completed Novels And Screenplays Include…

-Lunatic Frenchmen… Frenchmen… Frenchmen

-Undulating Thighs

-The Cobbler’s Hoax

-Coalition Of The Freedom Moats

-The Secret Crimes Of Goose Gossage

-An Open Letter To The Two Vodka Swilling Polish Sluts That Took My Money And My Pride


Tad Dastardly

- fitness specialist

Workout video available now… only $79.95.

ZAKK CHEST—cold calling salesman

“Geez… these publishing and movie people are tough. I barely make enough to
buy a can of pinto beans every other day. I wish these guys would give
me a list of companies that they’ve crossed paths with in the past. I
don’t mind having a door slammed in my face… but I’ve seen enough
machetes pulled out of desk drawers to last me a lifetime!

It’s depressing to see a 6 year old on the streets of Tijuana do more business selling Chicklets in half an hour than I’ve done all year.”

Rick Rockscream

Mic Cable Acquisitions

Jasper St. James

-publicist

Gorbash

-assistant to Mr St. James

MAX CALLIBER- Head Of Security


Holocaust Jim Baltimore
&
Pumpi Spangler

—Professional Street Fighter & Manager—

“Wanna underestimate ME motherfucker? I’m gonna drop down steal the pot roast outta the oven, blow your dog up, and fuck your mailbox in half. The pretty convict gets the worm.
STEP BACK! Cause Holocaust is comin’ with The Flailing ChainSaw… tonight!”

Dead Dude In The Snow

(died in the snow)

Rasputini

—CHAUFFEUR—

“Oh no di nuovo… la chicco d’uva!”

BARRACUDA THROWIN’ BONEZ

“Got pinched fer moving nose whiskey back in 07′… did two years in the closet. Now I’m just tryin’ to keep my butt ass outta trouble and do right by my only surviving daughter Abigail.”

BROADMOORE STRANGEGRACES


starlette/sex kitten

Bo Fish

—Degenerate Gambler—