The Crew Page 2
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Offshore Finance Lawyer
“I’m sick of you god-forsaken fuck ups camping in my office, never paying your bill, getting me hawkeyed by the Justice Department, and touching my secretary’s ass.
Call me again and I’m gonna send a couple goons over to burn your god-damn shantytown down for good!”
JOHN BOY BOSCO
aka: The Shaman Of Blight
JU is well known for having led the 2005 “Night Of The Leaping Shadows” rebellion in Black River Falls, Wisconsin. Although technically still in hiding, he has been sighted frequently in the city of Milwaukee, and has amassed a rather sizable following. A number of our acquaintances are to be counted amongst his devoted… and indeed, JU is considered the spiritual soul of the Broken Noses crew.
Sweet Lou Studebaker
Claus & Blanco
Because the US SEC has filed over 800 criminal charges against the brothers in absentia, they are forbidden from US soil and hence have taken to hiring us to do their stateside errands.
In exchange, they supply us with a generous amount of German camera equipment, junk bonds, white slaves, and conflict diamonds.
Not really part of the Broken Noses Posse… this freeloadin’ son of a bitch won’t get the hell off my property!
black widow murderess
This heartless bitch recently killed a business man that we were just about to kill for reasons I can’t really go into. She does this to at least 3 guys a year, fleecing them blind and cashing a multitude of insurance policies.
I’m trying to get more upscale clientele, as right now I primarily cook the books for a few local massage parlors that have allot of hand job cash to hide. Other services available for hire include prize-fighter management, jury fixing, and pension fraud.”
Avowed enemy of Beef Stryder.
Found this hilarious guy in the basement of a warehouse we’re squatting in. Every once in a while we put some food and water down there. He seems to be enjoying himself.
“My wife divorced me back in ’99 for ‘…foulness and general knavity…’
whatever the fuck that means. Since then I’ve been kinda havin’ a hard
time of it. Now all I do is eat bananna peels and have sex with
Completed Novels And Screenplays Include…
-Lunatic Frenchmen… Frenchmen… Frenchmen
-The Cobbler’s Hoax
-Coalition Of The Freedom Moats
-The Secret Crimes Of Goose Gossage
-An Open Letter To The Two Vodka Swilling Polish Sluts That Took My Money And My Pride
- fitness specialist
Workout video available now… only $79.95.
ZAKK CHEST—cold calling salesman
“Geez… these publishing and movie people are tough. I barely make enough to
buy a can of pinto beans every other day. I wish these guys would give
me a list of companies that they’ve crossed paths with in the past. I
don’t mind having a door slammed in my face… but I’ve seen enough
machetes pulled out of desk drawers to last me a lifetime!
It’s depressing to see a 6 year old on the streets of Tijuana do more business selling Chicklets in half an hour than I’ve done all year.”
Mic Cable Acquisitions
Jasper St. James
-assistant to Mr St. James
MAX CALLIBER- Head Of Security
Holocaust Jim Baltimore
—Professional Street Fighter & Manager—
“Wanna underestimate ME motherfucker? I’m gonna drop down steal the pot roast outta the oven, blow your dog up, and fuck your mailbox in half. The pretty convict gets the worm.
STEP BACK! Cause Holocaust is comin’ with The Flailing ChainSaw… tonight!”
Dead Dude In The Snow
(died in the snow)
“Oh no di nuovo… la chicco d’uva!”
BARRACUDA THROWIN’ BONEZ
“Got pinched fer moving nose whiskey back in 07′… did two years in the closet. Now I’m just tryin’ to keep my butt ass outta trouble and do right by my only surviving daughter Abigail.”